Day 52 - Indulgence

I had my 2nd indulgence last night. It was my friend and co-worker, Jenn's birthday and we met her out. Both her and my other friend, Ginasta were so excited when I told them that I decided to use up my indulgence and have a couple drinks. I went for my old staple, Goose and soda with a slice of lemon. So refreshing. I estimated that each drink was probably around 140 calories, since 1 ounce of vodka is around 70 calories. Club soda has 0 and a squeeze of lemon, well who cares. By my 3rd one I started to feel a pretty good buzz. I stopped at 3-3.5. ...Some stupid ass drunk girl grabbed one of my drinks thinking it was hers and when I told her to put it down she rolled her eyes, left it on a ledge and it spilt. I obviously yelled "WTFB" but she took off so quickly into the crowd, and that is where we left it. I think she might have gotten sight on my guns. Anyway...I am way too old to be fighting in a bar, so I'm glad that was the end of it.

Sorry I diverge, back to the indulgence. I expected to feel ill today, but in fact I feel great. I did however notice that my face was red and my pores were enlarged when I woke up. Another thing was that the alcohol left me starving, so when I got home last night I ate the following: 2 cups of air popped popcorn, sm banana, sm apple, and a whole wheat English muffin with sugar free jelly. I know that the drink had something to do with my voracious appetite but I also think that a huge part of it is my diet. I seriously do not think it is healthy to only eat a small banana and an egg white for dinner. And to tell you the truth, I haven't followed that or last week's version with an added small apple once. I always try to, but by 10pm or so I am extremely hungry and that makes my angry and I end up eating something else. It's always something with in the PCP diet but it's always outside my allotted grams.

Lately I find myself not trusting this process. I do not want my abs to look like some sort of quilt or like Poca mentioned, "Madonna's disgusting arms." What drew me here was the idea of eating real food and feeling the healthy effects of a no sugar, no salt diet. I have a pretty positive body image and in fact, this might sound cocky, but I know I am hot just as I am. What I was looking for was just a more improved version of myself, healthier, more fit, stronger in my Capoeira game. When in fact, I feel exhausted, stiff, weak and cranky all the time. Plus, my Capoeira game is totally suffering. Because of the PCP workout I can only find the strength to train 2x a week. So when I go to class I come in far behind the rest who have already been working on a sequence or move the rest of the week.

I'm not going to quit this, if any of you had that idea enter your mind. I always finish what I start, but I will say I am not a true believer.

PS...my friend still hasn't come for a visit and I'm pretty sure that time has come and went.