Day 52 - Indulgence

I had my 2nd indulgence last night. It was my friend and co-worker, Jenn's birthday and we met her out. Both her and my other friend, Ginasta were so excited when I told them that I decided to use up my indulgence and have a couple drinks. I went for my old staple, Goose and soda with a slice of lemon. So refreshing. I estimated that each drink was probably around 140 calories, since 1 ounce of vodka is around 70 calories. Club soda has 0 and a squeeze of lemon, well who cares. By my 3rd one I started to feel a pretty good buzz. I stopped at 3-3.5. ...Some stupid ass drunk girl grabbed one of my drinks thinking it was hers and when I told her to put it down she rolled her eyes, left it on a ledge and it spilt. I obviously yelled "WTFB" but she took off so quickly into the crowd, and that is where we left it. I think she might have gotten sight on my guns. Anyway...I am way too old to be fighting in a bar, so I'm glad that was the end of it.

Sorry I diverge, back to the indulgence. I expected to feel ill today, but in fact I feel great. I did however notice that my face was red and my pores were enlarged when I woke up. Another thing was that the alcohol left me starving, so when I got home last night I ate the following: 2 cups of air popped popcorn, sm banana, sm apple, and a whole wheat English muffin with sugar free jelly. I know that the drink had something to do with my voracious appetite but I also think that a huge part of it is my diet. I seriously do not think it is healthy to only eat a small banana and an egg white for dinner. And to tell you the truth, I haven't followed that or last week's version with an added small apple once. I always try to, but by 10pm or so I am extremely hungry and that makes my angry and I end up eating something else. It's always something with in the PCP diet but it's always outside my allotted grams.

Lately I find myself not trusting this process. I do not want my abs to look like some sort of quilt or like Poca mentioned, "Madonna's disgusting arms." What drew me here was the idea of eating real food and feeling the healthy effects of a no sugar, no salt diet. I have a pretty positive body image and in fact, this might sound cocky, but I know I am hot just as I am. What I was looking for was just a more improved version of myself, healthier, more fit, stronger in my Capoeira game. When in fact, I feel exhausted, stiff, weak and cranky all the time. Plus, my Capoeira game is totally suffering. Because of the PCP workout I can only find the strength to train 2x a week. So when I go to class I come in far behind the rest who have already been working on a sequence or move the rest of the week.

I'm not going to quit this, if any of you had that idea enter your mind. I always finish what I start, but I will say I am not a true believer.

PS...my friend still hasn't come for a visit and I'm pretty sure that time has come and went.

Day 49

Men, I'm warning you right now this post is all about women stuff.

So the last couple of days have been really hard. One thing I have never mentioned is that about 3 years ago I was diagnosed with PMDD. One of my initial hopes was that with a healthy PCP lifestyle my symptoms would decrease. Well in fact this month it's here with a vengance. Some months are better than others, but when it's bad it's really bad. I have every single highlighted item on the list below and the ones in red are the ones that really interfere with my daily life.

These usually last about a week to two weeks a month and subside after, you know after my friend comes. But, that little bastard doesn't seem to want to come this month. This has happened the last time I trained hard and lost some weight. I didn't get it for like 6-8months.

It really sucks because I am so cranky, I just hate everything and everyone right now, I am completely EXHAUSTED all the time, my back is KILLING ME, I want to eat everything in the house. And by the way that's just what I did the other night. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, all I have in the house are healthy things so I ended up downing the following; 6 pitted dates, an extra apple, an extra egg white, 5 dried pineapple rings, cup of Kashi 7 whole grain cereal puffs with skim, 30 grams of a whole wheat baguette, I think there might have been some cold yams and I'm sure there is some other things I can't think of now...anyway this was after my evening snack so I already had consumed all my food for the day. Even after that I was still hungry but I made myself go to bed. I really want to eat something else tonight but right now I am just too tired to move.

I trained Capoeira tonight and my lack of coordination, focus, extreme fatigue and backache made it really freaking difficult. I had to fight hard not to just pick up and walk out of class. Then I came home and had to do my timed jumps. That sucked even more. My shins are so sore and I couldn't keep a rhythm to save my life. Ugh...I think I'm done for the night. Going to bed. Can't wait till this time next week when I can feel like myself again.

Day 34

Dried fruit is the devil!

Yesterday I found these all natural, organic, dried pineapple and apple rings. No added sugar, no salt, just pure deliciousness. Once I started eating them I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop. My brain kept telling me, it's OK Mickey. It's fruit. It's all natural. It's following the rules. Well, maybe if I had weighed out my fruit portion and then only ate that. Which is totally not what I did. I definitely ate much more than I should have and I'm feeling a bit ill this morning. I feel like my belly has tripled in size. I think I might have to outlaw dried fruit for the rest of my Peak.

I also feel like I am not seeing the results that I should be at this point. Is it the baked Oriental yams for breakfast? Do yams count as a veggie or carb? Is it my 1 pack of sugar-free gum a day habit? Or is it the extra piece of fruit that I have been sneaking almost everyday? Probably all three.

Well from now on, I am going to try much harder to follow my portion sizes. I mean what the hell is the point of abstaining from alcohol, sugar and salt if I'm just going to fatten myself up with approved foods.