Day 52 - Indulgence

I had my 2nd indulgence last night. It was my friend and co-worker, Jenn's birthday and we met her out. Both her and my other friend, Ginasta were so excited when I told them that I decided to use up my indulgence and have a couple drinks. I went for my old staple, Goose and soda with a slice of lemon. So refreshing. I estimated that each drink was probably around 140 calories, since 1 ounce of vodka is around 70 calories. Club soda has 0 and a squeeze of lemon, well who cares. By my 3rd one I started to feel a pretty good buzz. I stopped at 3-3.5. ...Some stupid ass drunk girl grabbed one of my drinks thinking it was hers and when I told her to put it down she rolled her eyes, left it on a ledge and it spilt. I obviously yelled "WTFB" but she took off so quickly into the crowd, and that is where we left it. I think she might have gotten sight on my guns. Anyway...I am way too old to be fighting in a bar, so I'm glad that was the end of it.

Sorry I diverge, back to the indulgence. I expected to feel ill today, but in fact I feel great. I did however notice that my face was red and my pores were enlarged when I woke up. Another thing was that the alcohol left me starving, so when I got home last night I ate the following: 2 cups of air popped popcorn, sm banana, sm apple, and a whole wheat English muffin with sugar free jelly. I know that the drink had something to do with my voracious appetite but I also think that a huge part of it is my diet. I seriously do not think it is healthy to only eat a small banana and an egg white for dinner. And to tell you the truth, I haven't followed that or last week's version with an added small apple once. I always try to, but by 10pm or so I am extremely hungry and that makes my angry and I end up eating something else. It's always something with in the PCP diet but it's always outside my allotted grams.

Lately I find myself not trusting this process. I do not want my abs to look like some sort of quilt or like Poca mentioned, "Madonna's disgusting arms." What drew me here was the idea of eating real food and feeling the healthy effects of a no sugar, no salt diet. I have a pretty positive body image and in fact, this might sound cocky, but I know I am hot just as I am. What I was looking for was just a more improved version of myself, healthier, more fit, stronger in my Capoeira game. When in fact, I feel exhausted, stiff, weak and cranky all the time. Plus, my Capoeira game is totally suffering. Because of the PCP workout I can only find the strength to train 2x a week. So when I go to class I come in far behind the rest who have already been working on a sequence or move the rest of the week.

I'm not going to quit this, if any of you had that idea enter your mind. I always finish what I start, but I will say I am not a true believer.

PS...my friend still hasn't come for a visit and I'm pretty sure that time has come and went.

Day 28

Coming clean...
It snowed like crazy here yesterday. I woke up a little earlier to shovel my back steps and a porch so that Chewie wouldn't break her leg going out in the morning. Here are some snow pics.
Chewie in the snow, AM.
The yard in the PM.

I was so sluggish at work. I even fell asleep at my desk for about 2 minutes. I as awaken by that startling head nod that happens when you fall asleep sitting up. I wanted to make it to Capoeira that night but by the time I got home from work all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch and watch a good movie as the snow fell outside. So that's exactly what I did. Instead of going to class or doing my PCP work out, I put on my PJs. I ate my PCP dinner and then I curled up on the couch with Chewie and my indulgence. A giant bowl of air popped popcorn with a little spray butter on it. Once the bowl was gone I still felt like I didn't do my indulgence any justice so I had a piece of a whole wheat baguette with some sugar-free strawberry jelly and a little more spray butter. I know it probably sounds lame to you but I liked it. I never made it through the movie. I passed out at 8:30. I woke up this morning still feeling like I could have slept another 6 hours, but I had to go to work. I'm feeling a little better but still in a pissy mood. I saw Patrick's email with the new portions and I am not happy about it. Even smaller than last week. I'm really really worried that my Capoeira training will have to take a back seat if I have to stick with these new exercises. There is no way my body will be able to handle both. I'm feeling very conflicted right now and rethinking if this program is even worth it.

Why the hell did I decide to sign up for this????